A priest and a taxi driver arrive at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter welcomes them and shows them to their homes. For the taxi driver, a beautiful villa looking over a gorgeous field of clouds. "Thank you," the ecstatic taxi driver said. Anticipating an even bigger mansion, the priest was dismayed when they arrived at a small 1-bedroom apartment. "St. Peter, I'm a little puzzled," the priest began. "As a clergyman, I devoted decades of my life solely to serving the Lord. How come the taxi driver got a villa, and for me, only a small apartment?" St. Peter smiled. "Up here, we go by results. While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."
A dog walks into the job centre and asks the man at the counter it they have any vacancies. The man is stunned. "You're a talking dog!" he cries. “What a wonderful talent you have. I'm sure we can find work for you no problem."At this the dog becomes agitated. "Look," he says. "Don't mess me about. Have you got any jobs or not?" "Okay," says the man. "Just sit tight. I'll make a call and I'll have you working in no time."With that the man phones Billy Smart's Circus. "I've got a talking dog here, the man says to Billy. Can l send him down to you?" Billy is ecstatic. "All my life I've been looking for a talking dog," he says. "You get him down here tomorrow morning and he can name his wage.“The dog is still wary. "What will I be doing for Mr Smart?" he asks.The man is puzzled. "I imagine you'll be the Talking Dog in the circus," he says."Oh, that's no good to me mate," the dog says. "l'm a plumber."
A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him.
The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?” The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.” “You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said. The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer said. “I did,” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach."